I realize this post isn’t really on topic of what I eat in a typical day with Diabetes.
That’s because I was watching a documentary on eating disorders yesterday. It really bothered me. I think I was drawn to it because, after I was diagnosed, I talked far too much to my family about carbs. I wondered about the impact of my hyper-focus on what I was putting in my mouth had on my children. I can’t say that the documentary really gave me any great insight into my family. It did, however, cause me to reflect on my journey with T1 thus far as it relates to food.
When I was first correctly diagnosed as a Type 1, I was prescribed a once-a-day long acting insulin. I tried to avoid taking mealtime insulin as long as possible. I restricted my carb intake to veggies and meat. There was a part of me that hadn’t completely accepted that it wasn’t a “reversible” condition. I had vestiges of guilt lingering from my years mis-diagnosed as a type 2 thinking that I had somehow caused this to happen or perpetuated it by my diet choices (I am NOT implying that Type 2’s cause their diabetes by diet choices – just to be clear). It is odd how always having to focus on what you eat can skew your relationship with food and the trickle-down effect it can have on those around you.
I have compassion for those effected by eating disorders and their families. While diabetes isn’t an eating disorder, it definitely can be hard to maintain a healthy attitude towards food at times. There are still days when I think, “I don’t want to eat, but I’m sort of low so I should- ugh!” Or times when I’ll bolus for a meal and realize after a few bites that I really didn’t want that but then I have to either find the equivalent in carbohydrates or just eat it anyway. There are times when I blissfully forget about diabetes and eat a snack only to have my Dexcom jolt me back to reality. I’m grateful for that. I am also grateful that I have the pump because it knows just how much insulin I have on board and how much I need to bolus for the correction.
Thankfully, I am back in a healthy place. I am learning not to think of high glucose numbers as “bad” but as information to act upon. I’m learning to let myself have those carbs and monitoring how my body reacts to them. I’m taking the lows as they come and learning how not to over-treat. I am grateful that I am on the pump and don’t have to eat at certain times of the day. I do tend to get hungry at regular intervals but it is not necessary to be as scheduled as MDI seemed to necessitate. I’m happy that I can delay breakfast on the weekends if I want. I’m getting back to my new normal and a healthy balance. It feels good.