Clearly since my first post was on Monday, my topic for the day will be MOTIVATIONS.
The phone call came on a monday morning in mid-July. I was bustling around the house settling in for a much needed “spring” cleaning. I was on a mission. I was finally on track. First visit to the endocrinologist out of the way; check. Prescription for Metformin filled; check. Plan to document a week of diet, exercise and glucose readings before starting Metformin to get a baseline; check. Kids bustled off to Grandma’s house for a month; check. This last being the first time I had ever been away from my kids for that long and I was going to keep busy. It was the perfect opportunity to get my life and my house in order; perfect time to do those projects I had been planning but never had time to complete in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Things were looking up. Sure, the Friday before I had received a call from my endo with most of the results from the previous day’s bloodwork. The verdict? My A1c was even higher than the last time despite my kept New Year’s resolutions. (That’s ok, it would just take a little more time, that’s all). The rest of the bloodwork looked good but still waiting on a couple more tests. No worries, I had a plan. I was sticking to that plan. I was going to get it all under control; house, projects, diet, exercise, A1c.
The phone rang mid-stride on the way to the laundry room with an armload full of laundry. A glance at the phone lying so innocently on the buffet showed my endo’s name. Pause. I had already heard from him. I set my clothes down and swiped the answer button. “Hello?” And with that hello my life, all of my precious plans, were changed. I didn’t have a life and death experience. I wasn’t rushed to the hospital in DKA. I wasn’t lying in a hospital bed fighting for my life. Nevertheless, the diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes rammed into me like a speeding train.
I didn’t have any friends who had diabetes. I had an aunt who was diagnosed as an adult but that’s all I knew about her. I had a idea of what Type 1 was but had more questions than answers. I remembered another mom mentioning she had Type 1 diabetes at my son’s basketball practice. I reached out to a mutual friend for her contact information. Meanwhile, I searched the internet for answers. I spent days on the computer while my husband was a work; all projects and plans abandoned. I needed to understand this diagnosis. Although I could talk to my husband, although he had supported me in countless ways through two gestational diabetes diagnosis’ and six years of Type 2 diagnosis, I couldn’t place all of my fears and frustrations on his shoulders. He couldn’t be my rock if I buried him in the torrent of emotions bubbling beneath the surface. That’s not to say I didn’t cry upon his shoulder or talk nonstop about carbohydrates. There’s only so much this girl can hold in. It took time to moderate myself. And I know it took a toll on him.
I found the DOC; Diabetes Mine, Six Until Me, Bitter-Sweet Diabetes, Test Guess and Go, LIfe After DX, Our Diabetic Life…just to name a few. I found real people bravely facing a disease that doesn’t play fair. In many ways I felt like a pretender reading those blogs that first year. I didn’t have crazy swings. I didn’t yet require mealtime insulin. I hadn’t been to the hospital with a hypo. I was eating an extremely low carbohydrate diet. I only had one shot of long acting insulin per day. I still had a few working islets of Langerhaus. I know there are other people with LADA but I didn’t really find their blogs at first. So I started an offline blog in Microsoft Word. I figured I would join the DOC at some point. I “blogged” in Word. And when I saw this year’s Diabetes Blogweek, I knew the time had come.
My motivation was me. My motivation was my loved ones. My motivation was to be a part of the online community of people who knew what it was like. My motivation was the person, like me, who could benefit from knowing they were not alone.