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Blink Blink Another Week

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I have wanted to sit and write another post this whole week but life kept getting in the way.  I sometimes wish I could neglect DM for a while too but that wouldn’t end well.  So, in the interests of not going weeks and weeks without writing anything I will be inserting past blog posts that I’ve made at least once a week.  I have blogged offline, so to speak, for about a year in the hopes that I would one day start a blog.  I won’t include all of the entries since they were mostly notes to myself about my Dexcom alarming in the night for the umpteenth time or eating 11 Doritos with my salad and shooting to 349 with the obvious observation that it was time to add a bolus regimen.  It definitely helped me to write things down and not overwhelm my husband with all the details.  By nature he likes to fix things and by nature, conversely, my pancreas is not fixable.  He has been an enormous help and support throughout this entire journey though.  It’s strange how isolating the diagnosis can be at first despite having such a wonderful and loving support.  After all, it is only those who have DM who must think about each and every thing they put in their mouth and the learning curve that first year is pretty intense.  Granted, I was already somewhat carbohydrate savy having been misdiagnosed as a type 2 for so long.  It’s another thing though to have to take insulin and balance it all. So what follows is my first real attempt to get some of this out of my head. As I read over this I really remember the emotions…

May 31, 2014

Well, it’s been a year since diagnosis. I’ve been successful in bringing my A1c down.  I’m pretty strict with my diet but actually eating what a person should be eating to begin with.  I know that I will soon be starting a bolus regimen.  I’d like my A1c to be closer to 6 so I can avoid the ravages of this disease later in life.

I guess what I want to touch on today is the emotional side of diabetes.  I have a wonderful husband, truly.  It’s funny how I can feel so isolated from him because of my diabetes though.  I know he tires of daily references to it.  It’s hard to talk to someone about something that they don’t wish to focus on (nor should they have to).  It doesn’t help that I can be a royal pain when I am high (grouchy and hyper sensitive).  And it’s hard to know when to stop talking when someone asks the casual question.

Sometimes though, when I read the type 1 blogs on the Internet, I feel like a pretender.  I didn’t have the ER visit/diagnosis.  My diabetes was easy to manage with diet and exercise (when I was first diagnosed as a type 2) until my A1c started climbing last year.  Would long acting insulin (basal) have helped me in those early years had I been correctly diagnosed early on?  Maybe, maybe not.  I did quit taking my insulin for a couple of days to see just how much it benefited me and found that it was indeed keeping me in more normal range.  If I happen to forget to take my basal injection in the morning my blood sugars will run much higher all day and it takes a couple of days to get back to the under 140 2 hours post meal.  Morning basal insulin works for me best for a couple of reasons.  It is part of my morning routine; wake, test, inject, dress, stumble downstairs to eat breakfast.

The truth is that diabetes has more than just the physical act of replacing/balancing insulin/glucose.  There is dealing with the frustration of not being able to eat a single meal without thinking about how to balance something that my body used to do so perfectly with nary a thought before.

I am tired of being so restrictive with my diet.  Especially as I see its’ effectiveness diminishing and my occasional variations yielding unacceptable spikes.  I full well realize the role I have to take on as this disease progresses.  I am grateful that I had time to ease into the role of being my new pancreas, if you will.  It certainly gives me compassion for those who have to deal with it all at once.

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3 responses »

  1. Yes, diabetes definitely makes you feel isolated, no matter how much support you have around you. Its sort of something that just naturally happens. Like you, I don’t really want the people around me to have to hear me complain about it or feel sorry for me. But the isolation does make things worse on those frustrating days.

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