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Still Searching

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Trying to keep up with my Monday posts as the school year draws down and we gear up for the crazy busy summer.  Here is a post I wrote at the beginning of the school year.  I was still searching for a blog title knowing I was interested in starting a blog.

September 2014

It occurred to me this morning while I was reading a few Diabetes blogs that Kerri Sparling’s blog with its’ catchy title “Six Until Me” could be an inspiration in my search to find a blog title.  Along those lines I could name my blog:

“I Had a Life”.

Or maybe; “Game Changer”.

Perhaps; “The First Half.” (Wait, that means I only live until I’m 80 or so)…

Regardless of title, I’ll have to keep this offline blog until I can figure it out.  I’m afraid I’ll be a bit scattered tonight but there are so many thoughts just rattling around that I want to get out so I can make sense of it all.

LADA creeps up on you.  You think you understand what’s going on only to find that you had no idea and are reduced to a pent up ball of “what if’s.”  That’s the time you begin to reflect on the many twists and turns on the pathway of life.

Why so philosophical?  It really is a culmination of several things.  I went to see Amy Grant recently with my hubby and oldest daughter.  I used to listen to her music in high school.  High school.  So many things are touching those same raw spots that you think you have matured past.  It’s not that I had a tragic life.  No, it’s remembering all the turmoil of those years:   “Who am I? What do I want to become?  What do I want to do with my life?  Who will I become?  Why am I here?  What is my purpose in life?”  My oldest daughter is starting her senior year of high school which brings a new set of uncertainties just when I thought I was getting a handle on things. How do I best advise, guide, and support her as she finishes her HS career and navigates the beginning of the rest of her life?

Then there’s my son who began asking last night about how God created the universe and etc.  Some more weighty concepts to try and grapple with. Of course, he started asking when I was bleary-eyed and groping for focus to enunciate even the simplest of sentences.  It isn’t always fair.  The questions should come when we are well rested and have had adequate preparation.  After all, they don’t ask forever.  They don’t look up to us as holding all of the answers forever.  We are lucky enough to be in their lives for such a brief time.  So it’s hard to feel tongue-tied and have the moment slip by.

And last but not least, the biggie of late – we just found out we are going to be moving sometime this coming year.  I’m not quite able to map a plan of action because nothing is ever that simple.  I could type out lists of questions I need to find answers for in the next few weeks.  Not the least of which brings me back to the fact that this is really a diabetes blog and I have been trying to find my way around the world of bolus.  I recently graduated to needing more than just a long-acting insulin and a strict low carb diet.  My honeymoon has come to an end.  My poor pancreas is no longer a happy pancreas!  My 13 year-old said she was going to get me a t-shirt that read “Not a Happy Pancreas.”  There truly isn’t just one question when it comes to diabetes plan of action in the near future.  There are many.  Too many for this moment.

So I just breathe and take in this moment in time.  And remember to smile.  And to hug my kids and my husband a little bit harder, longer….

Wait. That could be the title; “The Unhappy Pancreas.”


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