It was one of those cool October days. I was on the low side of BS & hungry. It was right before lunch. And I was scheduled to meet my new endo. Poor planning on my part but really the only way to schedule the appointment taking into consideration the traffic and travel time. The result – channeling Dori; the short-term-memory-loss fish from Disney’s “Finding Nemo.”
Endo, “Do you know what your carb ratio is?”
Me, “Uh, I could look it up on my PDM…I think. I do know how. I’ve just temporarily forgotten. I’m a little on the low side and a bit hungry now. I usually bring all of that information with me I just forgot today.”
Endo, “That’s ok. How often do you go low in a day?”
Husband chimes in,” Around eight to ten times per day.”
Me (wrinkling nose), “Uh-uh. I don’t alarm that much. She just means when I alarm.”
Eyebrow furrow from husband.
Endo, “Do you feel your lows?”
Me, “Sometimes…but usually only notice that I’m low when my Dexcom tells me. The only reason I know I’m on the low side now (85) is because I looked at my Dexcom. I am a bit spacey too I suppose. But sometimes I don’t know until the alarm goes off.”
Endo (raised eyebrows), “Well, I’m going to order your bloodwork so you can go to the lab. I really don’t see many type 1’s so I’m going to refer you to the other Endo in the office who works mostly with Type 1’s.”
Yes, not one of my finer moments. I usually bring the binder with past lab work from the last eight years (my copies) and copies of all current referrals. I usually download my Omnipod PDM and my Dexcom receiver and bring my computer and/or any reports my Endo likes to see. I usually make sure I’m not going low and can think clearly. I usually…
I guess usually is a relative term though. I’ve only seen one Endo up until now. I’ve felt a veil of apathy settling over me like a blanket of new fallen snow in regards to finding a new Endo. It’s hard to start over and to get excited about starting over. Then there’s the part about not wanting to think about carbs and A1c’s and what to do when you are not excited about having Diabetes anymore.
Not that having Diabetes is something to be excited about but in the past I have tried to maintain a positive outlook. I’ve tried to generate excitement by reading about the available and upcoming technology. I’ve found inspiration from the many wonderful D-bloggers in the DOC. I started this blog to share moments in the hopes of giving back some inspiration and to make connections. But lately, I’m just not; not excited, not motivated, not interested, not inspired. I’m on auto-pilot. That’s OK. I know this won’t last forever.
Besides it’s New Year’s Day tomorrow. It’s time to start anew – to “find a happy place” again. So here’s wishing you a very Happy New Year!